Friday, November 19, 2010

Circles and Dunbar's Number

I honestly dont know how I reached 1000+ Facebook friends but if I would recount a previous conversation with a friend, I realized that I have been too involved with so much things in my life that eventually led me to have different circles of friends. The conversation was actually about how problematic a wedding would be if considering that one should invite different people from different circles.

I came studied gradeschool in San Beda Alabang (formerly known as St. Benedict College which was formerly known as Benedictine Abbey School --Hopefully thats the last name change they'd do) and then moved to Don Bosco Technical Institute Makati. I headed to De La Salle University (then Manila) for college and continued for graduate studies. I've been involved with several groups of people, like our local country club swimming team which really felt like a close knit family and there's also FORMDEV from college and the Nettrekker people whom I met during the times I was running a private game server. Meeting people feels great, its like starting to read a new book and you discover something great. But not all people are like that, some people are hard deal with, some people are really annoying and more often than not, it take great effort not to be rude to them by shutting them off completely.

In a discussion with Arun last night, he was saying that there was a study which said that a person cannot really have more than 150 real life friends (on an average) the type of friends who you feel comfortable with. He explained that those friends are the ones that you wouldn't be ashamed of talking to or catching up with, lets say, if you two meet in a foreign country. After Googling for several minutes and verifying sources, I came to know that it was called the Dunbar's Number. With my pending trip to LA this Christmas, my sister was really pushing me to go to San Francisco and just save the trip to the east coast next year. Mike was offering me to crash on their house in Tampa which I'm still considering though tickets from the west to the east is still a bit too steep for me. Dunbar's number came to mind.

As I got an email from my sister today that she was really rooting for me to head to San Francisco (because its cheap and its near), she suggested that I contact two people, old friends of ours and ask if I could crash a day or two. Ive thought of what Arun said last night and maybe my hesitation was because, even though I've spent time with those two, I feel like the closeness was more of being an acquaintance rather than being a close friend. Ironically, considering that the two are old friends I had compared to Mike who I knew for like what, hmmm 3 or 4 years? If I only had the funds I wouldn't have hesitated flying in to Tampa to visit a good friend and his dog. Come to think of it, he owes me tickets to the screening of Tron Legacy.

On a side note, I think it was my first experience to be unfriended by someone who I think is a really nice friend. You know, the type who you could have a nice conversation with and all. I actually don't know the reason why (though I think I might have an idea), I respect that persons decision even if it is unsaid. Sometimes we cant control people who walks into our lives and the ones that walks out. In the end, I think the most important thing to remember is the quality of the time spent with that person rather than the length of being friends.

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